Everyone has at least one person in their life who makes everything harder for them. It could be a toxic coworker, a critical relative, a problematic roommate, or someone who always brings stress to every interaction. And according to recent studies, the impact of these people may be greater than previously thought.
An article published by The Atlantic calls these people “bullies,” individuals who are consistently difficult, critical, or emotionally draining to others. According to sociologist Shira Offer, for many years research has focused on the benefits of social relationships, while only recently has the consequences of negative relationships been seriously studied.
A study published in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences analyzed data from thousands of people and found that about a third of them had at least one person in their lives who consistently made their daily lives difficult. Women were more likely than men to report the presence of these people in their lives.
But why don't they leave them? The answer is more complicated than it seems. Often it's not about friends who can be easily avoided, but about people with whom there is a binding bond, such as family members, colleagues or roommates. According to sociologist Brea Perry, family relationships are especially difficult to break off, because they are accompanied by feelings of obligation and responsibility.
Experts explain that such a person may be someone who is constantly critical, does not offer support when needed, sets conditions for the help they give, or creates feelings of guilt and pressure. Even behaviors that seem small at first glance can lead to stress over time.
The consequences are not limited to mood or emotional well-being. Research shows that people who are forced to maintain ongoing relationships with such people have higher levels of anxiety and depression, as well as more physical health problems.
In fact, one of the most surprising findings of the study relates to biological aging. DNA analyses suggest that exposure to these stressful relationships can accelerate the aging process by about nine months for each problematic person in one's life.
The explanation has to do with stress hormones. When the body is under emotional pressure for long periods, inflammation increases, the immune system weakens, and the risks for various health problems increase.
However, experts point out that human relationships are never black and white. A person who is often annoying or creates tension may also be the one who offers help in the most difficult moments. A critical parent, for example, may be the same one who cares unconditionally when the need arises.
For this reason, researchers remind us that the challenge is not always to remove these people from our lives, but to set healthier boundaries. Because, after all, difficult relationships can be exhausting, but complete isolation can be even more damaging.
