You've been separated for years, but you can't forget your ex? Here's why it happens and what to do

There are stories that seem to be written for many people at the same time. That of a woman who, even after a breakup, continues to think about her ex-partner is one of them. Because, no matter how much time passes, some relationships don't disappear from the mind so easily, even when life moves on.

This is precisely the dilemma of a girl who, five years after her breakup, still can't completely "let go" of the past. She turned to relationship counselor Sophia Benoit for an answer: how is it possible that, even though she feels healed, thoughts of her ex return every day?

She says the breakup came unexpectedly and left her devastated. She spent the following years working on herself, going to therapy, and reflecting on what happened. Today, she says she has forgiven her ex-partner, has created a new life, and feels stronger. But despite this, the thoughts of him have not disappeared.

Everyday situations bring him back to himself: an outfit that reminds him of their first date, an ordinary moment that brings back memories, or even new people who seem similar to him. And this makes him feel bad, like he hasn't moved forward enough.

But the answer she gets is perhaps more liberating than she expected. According to Sophia Benoit, it's almost impossible to completely forget someone who played an important role in your life. Just as we don't forget other people who shaped us, an ex-partner remains a part of our history.

She explains that the problem is not the fact that you think about it, but the way you react to those thoughts. Often, what weighs us down the most is not the memory itself, but the blame we place on ourselves for still having it in our minds.

The solution ? Give yourself permission to think about it, without judgment. Allow the thought to come and go, without dramatizing it. Because thoughts and feelings are not always the absolute truth, they are simply experiences that pass.

Instead of fighting them, it can help to look at them with curiosity: what are you really feeling at that moment? Loneliness, stress, fatigue? Often, our minds return to the past as a way to cope with the present.

In the end, the message is simple but important: you are not “stuck.” You are in the process. And as time passes and new experiences add up, memories will naturally fade, especially if you stop beating yourself up about them.