Is there any greater victory in life than being liked? Being liked is pretty cool in itself, but it also means we're improving the lives of the people who start liking us. Doesn't your life get better when you meet someone you like?
The benefits don't stop there. Being likeable makes us much more influential, and being persuasive without being manipulative is the best version of all of us.
Psychologist Robert Cialdini identifies likability as one of the six principles with the greatest persuasive power for others. It offers 5 tangible and effective ways to be more likeable. Let's start mentioning them:
1. Show curiosity
To be liked by others, you must show curiosity about others.
We're fascinated by people showing curiosity towards us, and who can blame us? It makes us feel seen, known, and engaging this curiosity makes us reflect on ourselves in a positive light, building our self-esteem.
"All people, at their best, are naturally curious," is one of the fundamental tenets of leadership consulting. It is not only the best driver of development, but also the fastest route to improved mental health.
We must have something that appeals to us in all people. The benefits of being curious about the people we engage with are huge, both in business and in life.
2. Give compliments
Many people like a nice compliment, even if it's not true at times. Meaningful compliments, however, are transformative for their recipients, but not all people have the ability to give them.
Here is an exercise to help you. Think, why do I admire this person? And then tell them.
"I know this might sound weird, but I wanted to let you know that I've been reflecting on some things and I really admire that about you."
You know who would love to hear that? Everyone!
3. Common interests
You can probably also predict marriage rates based on identified common interests (or lack thereof) on first dates with a person. People who like what we like and we seem to "win us over". Passion and appreciation are great, but sharing them with someone else is next level.
That is why it is advisable to put the objects of your common interests in your attention. Because when people know what unites them, they stay together.
4. Having charisma
Charisma may be the most misunderstood human attribute. People think of it as a personality trait: you either have it or you don't. (Helpful hint: today's kids call it "rizz".)
And, ironically, most people struggle to define charisma, but know it when they see it.
The combination of traits that we now understand as charisma are: warmth plus competence.
When someone is really good and makes us feel really good, they are charismatic. Our mistake is to believe that this only applies in social situations.
Competence extends to everything, which means that everyone can be incredibly charismatic. We just have to be warm: smiling, welcoming, generous, present. Who doesn't like a person like that?
5. To your weaknesses
Psychological safety (team members feeling safe to express their true thoughts and feelings without fear of retaliation) became a big issue in the 2010s because it was found to be the strongest predictor of team performance.
But relatively few people are aware of how the discovery was made. A struggling manager at Google opened up to his team about his battle with cancer, and the team's performance skyrocketed.
People who share weakness (mostly physical) while in a high position are almost as likable as they get. For starters, it helps everyone feel better about themselves. "Look, if she's struggling with confidence, or he's struggling with depression, then it's not so bad that I'm going through the same thing."
Most people try to convince us that their lives are perfect and, therefore, ours is not. Paradoxically, most of the biggest social media stars make us feel terrible about ourselves, which is why their fans often disappear without a trace. Those who show vulnerability have a fan base that will never abandon them.
