The Internet, at least the most tangible version, has turned into a warm electronic shoulder, but it does the same. Every day, hundreds of people write to us for a second or forty thoughts. To help those in need of the collective experience of hundreds of thousands of Anabel readers, we thought of posting your letters in the form of articles. This way, you find it easier when you are in the same trouble some day. Thank you for writing to us and thank you for reading.
?I took the initiative to write to you since I read a boy's letter, published by you a few days ago. While writing this letter, I prefer to remain anonymous.
I am 18 years old. My story begins in early childhood, in the garden or even earlier. I've always been the one who liked to do some makeup, dress nicely or even try on heels. I loved playing with Barbie dolls and never looked for toy toys. Perhaps this was also the case with the women who surrounded me in my childhood, while Dad worked abroad. Normally, as a young child, nobody would tell me anything, but as time went on, the fact that I was more feminine rather than masculine probably started to notice.
Despite not knowing anything about work orientations, feelings, relationships, and anything else related to the adult world. When I was young, I understood and felt comfortable in the presence of a man, felt warm, and liked it. I didn't understand what it was, just normal. The more I grew up, the more I developed, but not as a male, not even physically. This thing had apparently been overlooked by my parents and I didn't know, I just understood it from some conversations. Growing up and becoming more aware of everything, I learned that I was gay, gay, or gay about how our society uses mockery. That I liked men I knew, I understood, I just didn't know the label that placed this orientation on. For many years now, since I entered school, I have faced many different situations. While I was in kindergarten, the educator told Mom that the boy likes to hang out alone, while Mom asked me why she did not go to school. I didn't know what to say, I felt bad. The same thing happened at school, and even the teacher asked me. I was always burdened by the idea that someone could tell Mom or Dad and I wouldn't know what to say, I would just be silent.
As an only child for many years, I had no one to protect me, no older relatives in school. I just had to teach myself how to deal with others. They insulted me, insulted me, I was a bullied head and foot kid. Ur entered puberty, I began to have very complex, very embarrassing. I didn't like the populated areas of school because I knew they would make fun of me. Despite always coming back, I felt really bad about myself. I forced myself to like goca, but it was impossible. I prayed to be 'normal,' but I couldn't. I just couldn't accept myself just because of society. I didn't feel normal at all, while I was very normal. As a result, I grew up confined to myself, grew up in fear, grew up shy, grew up as a confined child in the house feeling embarrassed to leave because people would talk.
Unfortunately, the 9-year-old came to an end and already in development, some feelings I couldn't control already. I didn't know the existence of fake Facebook addresses or gay dating apps and by chance I discovered them. I entered a whole new world where I quickly had to adjust. As a guy with no self-esteem, self-esteem, confined, restricted, beyond a critical age, I met many men and it seemed to me that I liked them all and wanted to know more and more. This desire seemed very normal to me. I experimented endlessly, I did a lot wrong and I learned a lot. I created wasteful virtual links that once mattered to me.
However, it came at a time when the class also told me without question what my immediate problem was, where I felt different from others, where I was free to be myself, where I looked at how complex and unwanted I was. One day, my parents found out from my carer about how classmates made fun of me. It's been the worst day of my life up to those moments. My parents kept asking me why they were kidding me, what they told me, get out, act like the boys, don't do this or that. It weighed heavily on me when I was asked if I liked a snack. And I always told them I was little, I had school money.
Slowly, the cup was filled. Suffering more and more, not feeling 'normal', I prayed night and night that I would not open my eyes the next day. I was thinking of buying photoxia and ending my life. After all, a less gay for Albanian society. I was thinking of leaving my parents a letter explaining everything. Ok, they would suffer, but maybe I'd rather die than endure the words of others. After all, Albanians are mostly killed by the word of their neighbor. I was sorry to let them go, but I had nothing to do. On the last day of this period without salvation in my mind, I wanted to drink all the tension medicine Mom had at home, but I didn't. I was disturbed by her presence in the room. I was so ready that I still couldn't understand how I didn't bid farewell to this world. I stayed. I can't deny the good impact my society has had. And they have really helped me a lot.
It matters now that those times have passed. Fortunately, my first year at the gymnasium helped me greatly from school psychology. Meeting with her from time to time during my free time, I experienced a total change. From the confined, ignorant boy, the complex boy, the constant embarrassment, timid and pretentious, I have become the kind of person that many would like to be. Most importantly, I have accepted myself and everything has changed since then. I see life with another eye. However much they talk, I don't care anymore and feel so much more proud of myself. the more I am myself and the less complex I am. People fail to realize that orientation and intimacy, relationships, dating, marriage, are personal. Nobody has what I need to sleep with. Society just has to understand that no gay, bi, lesbian or trans can have an impact. One who is sure of his orientation to keep quiet. Otherwise, then, stay and realize that the problem lies with him himself. I think people do not know enough or even try to know themselves. So they are afraid of being tempted.
It would be nice if Albanian television would treat gay people in a normal way, show educated, educated and mature gay people, not characters like the Rabbit (without prejudice) or where I know they consequently think badly of them.
I very much hope this happens so that my parents, but not only, will find it easier to accept the fact that their child is gay or lesbian. At the moment I just know that I have to learn a lot, work hard, accomplish my goals and reach higher and higher. I have many goals and dreams for my life, I cannot leave them behind because of others. I will build my life the way I want it, always without breaking the corner, but a life built on the talk of others I cannot live. I very much hope that many others like me are aware of this. Life is beautiful, just live every moment in all its colors. "
