We all know that feeling: A tangle in the gut or a tingling sensation in the abdomen that we have been told we should have when we see our love of life.
This feeling of "butterflies in the stomach" has long been exalted as a reliable indication that you had really found the right partner; that you had finally met your person. In popular culture and in the media, this has become an undisputed barometer of chemistry, a sure sign that you have really found the right one.
What if we told you that famous butterflies are not such an accurate predictor of love, what do you think?
This characteristic sensation is actually quite unusual, not at all mysterious and certainly not a reliable metric to assess the long-term compatibility and potential success of a relationship.
What does it really mean to feel "butterfly"
The truth is that good relationships have so much more than fascination and butterflies.
Undoubtedly, your butterflies are indicators of excitement and nervousness, and, yes, these are evocative emotions to be felt at the beginning of a relationship. But, they are not indicators of what you can be as a couple.
The feeling of the butterfly, the exciting emptiness in your gut that has become the cornerstone of our fantasies, has absolutely nothing to do with long-term happiness, sexual pleasure or compatibility in a relationship.
It is interesting how the magical feeling of butterflies comes from the same part of our brain responsible for recording threat and fear - the same part responsible for our anxiety - the amygdala. Feelings of waiting and threat in the amygdala translate into the sensation of the node in the stomach, which we call the butterfly.
Ne përjetojmë flutura kur kërcejmë nga një aeroplan me parashutë, kur japim një prezantim të rëndësishëm ose përgatitemi për një intervistë. Ato nuk janë një dukuri e rrallë, por kur i ndiejmë në kontekstin e romancës, ne jemi mësuar ta shohim ndjenjën si një shënues të rëndësisë, si një shenjë se ne kemi gjetur potencialisht “ATË”.
Të mos ndjesh flutura mund të jetë një gjë e mirë
Të mos ndjesh atë lloj ankthi të veçantë fluturash kur takosh një partner të mundshëm të jetës nuk është gjithmonë një shenjë e keqe.
Pra, çfarë ndodh kur takoni pikërisht këtë lloj personi me të gjithë elementët e duhur për t'u bërë një partner jete, me të cilin vërtet do të dëshironit të ishit, por nuk ju shkakton ato ndjenja të “nxehta” - ato që na kanë mësuar se janë treguesit përfundimtarë të dashurisë së vërtetë?
Most would give up the tireless work of building relationships and chemistry in favor of the "butterfly" feeling, which fits well with our social and cultural view of how a relationship should feel.
By allowing the butterfly barometer to continue as the gold standard of chemistry and compliance, we risk losing good people and healthy partnerships. We risk losing a love that may not shock us at first, but over time and investment, may be ideal for us.
Burimi: Psychology Today
