Do you feel like you've been single for a really long time?

Well, you're not alone. The term "chronically single" has gone viral on TikTok with some videos reaching more than 10 million views worldwide.

There are two types of singles: singles who are happy being single and singles who are not happy being single.

"There are people who are single and it's painful for them and I actually think it's better [that way] because they're motivated to try different things," said Amy Chan, author and founder of Renew Breakup Bootcamp, a retreat that takes a scientific and spiritual approach to healing after a breakup.

"It's worse when singles have a good life and it's not like they're unhappy with their singleness, so there's not a point of pain to motivate them to step outside their comfort zone," she continues.

“So even though being in a partnership would be amazing, the risk of rejection and doing all the things that come with the dating process is too much for some singles; they just make excuses and avoid situations that could be profitable,” Chan said.

Based on her experience mentoring clients, here are three patterns Chan has observed in people who are "chronically single":

They are oriented towards saying "no"

One pattern Chan has observed through her work is that those who tend to be single for a long time are people who like to say "no."

“Something I've noticed with many of my successful clients is that they just say 'no' and 'disqualify' people before giving them a chance,” Chan said.

"They never allow that relationship to have any potential to grow because in their head, they have an idea of ??what they want, which may not necessarily be what they need."

Chronic singles tend to focus too much on the other person's imperfections. "They have an idea of ??the ideal person in their head and it's more about satisfying their ego than creating a meaningful connection," Chan said in a video for TikTok.

They sabotage their relationships

Another pattern of "chronic singles" is that they tend to sabotage their relationships. "One way people sabotage relationships is that they invest in unavailable people," Chan said.

"A lot of times, they'll blame the city the potential partners are in, or say 'all guys are like that' or 'all girls are like that,'" she said. “And a very common reason why chronically single people choose such people is that they feel drawn to hanging out with unavailable people; and that's actually a way of avoiding intimacy.”

When these types of singles are asked, they may say they don't have a type, but Chan says otherwise. Although it may not be a physical type, singles who remain single for a long time may have an "emotional type," she explained.

"It could be the anxious relationship, it could be the unavailability, whatever it is," Chan explained. "This emotional experience is actually the type of these bachelors and will always come in different packages for them."

They do not show themselves open to recognition

Whether they don't have time left over from their busy schedules or don't make the effort to meet new people, another pattern Chan has noticed in people who stay single is that they don't make space in their lives for dating.

"There are many myths about love and relationships that people think are true. One of them is that 'love happens when you least expect it,'” said Chan. "And so, [they] don't make themselves open to research."

"I've had a lot of people say, 'It'll happen when it happens,' and I've said, 'But you work all day and then you go straight home. At what point will love hit you? When are you watching TV?'”

"It's almost an excuse not to move any rocks themselves because they're so comfortable being single," Chan said.

Suggested articles: