Vulnerability can be a scary and beautiful part of life, necessary to create and maintain true and meaningful relationships.

However, there is a phenomenon that can disrupt this process in an unfair and manipulative way, and that is what is called "floodlighting." This term, coined by expert Brené Brown, refers to the excessive and in-depth sharing of personal information too early in a relationship, in an attempt to create a quick and visible connection. This can often have the opposite effect, making others feel pressured and insecure.

In the context of romantic relationships, “floodlighting” occurs when a person shares important, often painful and emotional, information early in their relationship. This could be a deep story about a painful breakup, childhood trauma, or other personal life issues that feel too heavy to discuss early on. The person who becomes a “floodlighter” uses this information to force a quick connection, thinking that it will bring them closer to the other person, but it can actually have the opposite effect.

Often, this is a way to manipulate the other person and create a false sense of intimacy. This is a bad type of "love bombing," where instead of showering them with gifts and attention, one person shares all of their traumas and life details to create an artificial connection. This kind of vulnerability, rather than helping, can feel like a burden to the other person, who may feel compelled to share a lot of deep information as well, whether they are ready or not.

Experts say that sharing personal information is a natural part of any relationship, but it should happen slowly and with reciprocity. True intimacy takes time to build and develop organically. When sharing happens too quickly, a person can feel pressured and powerless to respond in a way that is natural and healthy.

However, “floodlighting” isn’t always a bad idea. Some people share a lot of deep information because of their open nature, sometimes as a result of social anxiety or to fill awkward silences on a first date. But the problem arises when this sharing crosses boundaries and creates pressure on the other person, forcing them to share much more than necessary.

Ultimately, deep sharing and vulnerability must come over time and with the building of true trust. “Floodlighting,” while it may create a quick sense of intimacy, is the wrong path to achieving a lasting, healthy relationship.

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Source: Cosmopolitan