"Being a single parent of two boys is an adventure in itself. For a moment I thought I had seen it all – endless fights, bags thrown around the house, broken glasses, sleepless nights and a lot of fatigue. As I've heard an expression: having children is like living in a student house – no one sleeps and everything is a mess!
But, as is often the case with parenting, there are situations that catch you completely unprepared.
It was a weekend night. I got home late from work. The house was quiet, the hallway lights off, the doors to the kids' rooms closed. As usual, before I go to sleep, I go in to hug them to say goodnight. I have a routine. I started with the older son's room.
When I opened the door, I noticed that the small lamp was on. And there, in a corner of the bed, I saw him masturbating while watching porn. I was shocked. I froze. I didn't know how to react. He saw me, got scared, and froze just like me.
I told him I was leaving the room, giving him the message that I would be back in a few minutes. And in those minutes, I felt every emotion – confusion, anger, shame, but also great concern. My son is only 9 years old!
I didn't want to react with nerves and because that was really my first reaction. I gave myself some time and tried to think about how to approach this situation. Because yes, we need to talk about this. I couldn't act like it didn't happen.
And the biggest problem was that I didn't know what to say to him. Did my parents ever talk to us about sex, masturbation, or pornography? I was thinking about the idea that he had been exposed to all that unrealistic and violent material at such a young age, because the masturbation part is more than normal. Even worse if he had been watching such videos for a long time, what if he had developed an addiction? And all this before my eyes and I hadn't understood anything.
When I went back to his room, he was curled up on the bed and standing there with a guilty look on his face. I felt sorry for him. I didn't want him to feel like he had committed a crime. It was time for a sensitive conversation – and it was good that it happened now.
I sat down next to him, took his hand and said in a calm voice:
"I know it was an awkward moment for both of us, but it's okay. We need to talk about it a little bit. It's not shameful. It's a natural part of growing up and it happens to every boy or girl."
His face turned pale. Of course, I couldn't have told him as nicely as I'm writing now, but in a low voice, because that's how you reveal your... ignorance for dealing with such delicate topics with your children.
I explained that he had done nothing wrong. I told him that it was part of his development as a boy, that his body was changing, and that it was perfectly normal for him to be curious about his own body. I emphasized that it was a personal matter and that it was important to maintain his privacy, but that it was neither shameful nor a crime.
However, I had a lot of important things to explain to him about pornography, which I thought I should have a conversation about one day, but never this early, so I just caught him being so embarrassed.
I explained to him that everything that happens in those videos is extremely unrealistic. That the people in them are acting. That such material is very harmful and violent for such young children and that sex is such a personal and intimate experience that when the day comes very naturally for you to try it yourself, you will have a clearer, healthier and ultimately more realistic idea of ??it.
I saw that he calmed down a bit and that's when I realized how important it is to be present as parents, with calm and understanding. He opened up to me and told me that his friends had told him about the site and other details. True or not, it didn't matter, the damage was already done and maybe it was for the best that it happened that way.
I was surprised by the maturity with which he actually spoke – and I felt a kind of certainty that this generation is growing more aware of itself. He had indeed made a “mistake”, but I was relieved when, through communication, I realized that he was my son again, the one I had raised to be an educated boy and, above all, a citizen.
And now I know that very soon, I'll have a similar conversation with the little boy...
This was a moment that as a mother I will never forget – not because of the embarrassment, but because of the importance it had for my relationship with my son. At the end of the day, it is our duty to be there for them – not to judge them, but to calmly guide them. As Albanians, and where sex education is still seen as taboo, or not even addressed in schools, it seems difficult to face such situations. But, as parents, I see that it is very important to show children that we are not their enemies and that the Internet is the only reality where they can find themselves.
"These are difficult times we are living in, but we all have to face different challenges. The only thing we can do for our children is to show them that they are there for us, no matter what happens, no matter how awkward the conversation is. There is no shame in talking things out, the greatest damage is done when there are 3 of us living in a family and each one is isolated within their own 4 walls," written by a sincere mother.
Note: The article has been adapted by the editorial team for editorial purposes and clarity. Copyright Anabel.al / Reprinting without the permission of the editorial team is prohibited.
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