Photo: Courtesy of Shannon Bradley-Colleary

The idea that parents should compliment their children on their abilities, not their looks, has become very popular recently. According to this theory, telling girls “how beautiful they are” can lead them to focus too much on their looks and later develop body insecurities or self-esteem issues.

Shannon Bradley-Colleary, an American writer, actress, and blogger who writes frequently about relationships, parenting, family life, and self-esteem, disagrees. She says she doesn't believe in an "all or nothing" approach. According to her, you can tell a girl that she's smart, creative, strong, and talented without giving up the compliment "you're so beautiful."

Shannon says her oldest daughter is the type who prefers to "get lost" in the crowd. She likes her school uniform because it doesn't stand out. She keeps her hair in braids so she doesn't draw too much attention. She doesn't care about makeup or jewelry at all.

However, every time she picks him up from school and sees him sitting in the seat next to her, she can't resist saying:

“You are very beautiful.”

The girl tries to act as if she's annoyed, but her smile betrays her. And the compliments don't end there. She is also praised for her patience, humor, creativity, and the way she treats young children, who immediately adore her.

While her second daughter, according to Shannon, “looked like she was born with manicures on her hands.” She loves fashion, makeup, being the center of attention, and wants people to notice her as soon as she walks into a room.

The author often tells her that she is beautiful. Because to her, she is. But at the same time, she also compliments her on her imagination, intelligence, courage in football, and the way she behaves with her friends.

So the idea is this: why should we choose just one?

Because the world will criticize them enough on its own.

Shannon recalls the comments she heard when she was a teenager that had a huge impact on her self-confidence:

"You would be beautiful if you didn't have that hair."

“Your hair looks terrible.”

"Your legs look like thread."

"You have cellulite. How slanderous."

"Why are you wearing bras when you have nothing?"

So where does the problem lie in making children feel good about themselves?

The author says she doesn't understand why compliments about appearance are treated as if they're something wrong, when the world outside is so harsh on girls and women.

According to her, there's nothing wrong with telling a girl:

You are smart,

You are strong,

you are creative,

and yes, you are beautiful too.

Because sometimes, a sentence like that from a parent can be the shield they need later in the face of all the comments from the world.